Yep, the 4th of July is my favorite holiday! Why you may ask- because I LOVE fireworks!

So why did I spend it at home working on job applications??? There were a few reasons… one is I have a romanticized vision of how I want my 4th of July to go… I’ve always dreamed of a romantic 4th of July watching fireworks with a man I love. So, knowing I didn’t want to be disappointed, it was easier just to let it pass. Now it wasn’t that easy, another reason that made it easy is that the friends I did reach out to already had plans, and no one asked me what I was doing or to do anything. So… I just stayed and was productive. Here’s to finding a job and dreaming that next year I’ll get my romantic holiday 🙂

Open and Honest

Feeling bleh

It’s kind of funny, because throughout the day, I have thought of several things that I could blog about tonight, but now that I am sitting down to blog, I can’t think of anything.

Overall today was an okay day. I woke up really stuffy and suffering from what I believe is allergy related. I got up and got stuff done, then my God children, their brother, cousin, and mother came over and we swam and played. I felt good while they were here, but they left and I felt really crappy. I think they are just so amazing the sickness forgot to make me feel bad.

Anyways- this evening I have been on the hunt for a job. Praying God opens up something soon, but asking for Him to give me peace and patience in the meantime. Working on that trust thing!

Open and Honest

No Idea

I had no idea that after starting a blog yesterday afternoon about trying to be open and honest that I would be spending about 8 hours of that next 24 hours in some very deep open and honest conversation.  I hadn’t had the opportunity to really share my heart with this person in quite a while, and although not easy, not comfortable… quite awkward… I am glad I had the conversation nonetheless.  I feel while it may have brought me a bit backwards emotionally, it helped propel me forward spiritually.  Isn’t that what life is about anyway- putting emotions aside for the sake of our spirits and the spirits of others.  I am so glad Christ did not let His heavy emotions in Gethsemane keep Him from the cross.  By Him putting His emotions aside, he redeemed our souls!  And I am forever grateful! 

Open and Honest

Let’s go!

So far today hasn’t been easy.  Well, I stayed in bed until 11:45am, so that was easy… and great!  🙂  I wasn’t actually asleep that whole time… just determined not to get up.  While I was laying there I prayed a prayer I’ve been repeating lately- God open the door I’m supposed to walk through and close the doors I’m not. 

I then get up later and read my email and find that I was turned down from the last job that I was holding out to get… so why do I start crying and getting sad when God is doing exactly what I asked Him to do.  Trusting isn’t easy.

I was talking to a friend last week about my desire to have a husband and to marry the man God has created me to be with, and she said, it may be 10 more years.  I said if I knew for sure it was going to be 10 more years I would just settle for a “good-enough” husband and get married now instead of waiting for God’s will.  Perhaps that is part of the reason He doesn’t tell me how long it will be.  Honestly if I had known 10 years ago that I would still be single, I would have already married a “good-enough” husband and been done with it.  I know that shows my lack of maturity, but that is just me being real in my efforts to follow God.  It isn’t easy to trust Him, but I am SO glad that I have.   

My journey in life hasn’t been easy, BUT it has been SO worth it!  I LOVE God and I am seeking His will and agenda for my life and not my own, even though I sometimes struggle with it.  Through the tears and struggle, I still cling to God grasping to trust Him.

Today is the first day of this blog, and I am going to effort to write everyday for a year.  I look forward to seeing where this journey takes me, and where I find myself a year from today.  I may need encouragement along to way to keep writing, so feel free to leave your comments 🙂